thoughts on perspective

isn't it funny how when put into perspective anything could seem like it is the most important thing in the world? how we take things that are just so small and blow them up like a balloon. a lot has been brewing in my mind lately just about life. i am about to turn 22.5 (i give myself the right to celebrate half birthdays because my birthday is 5 days before christmas so it gets overlooked often...) but that is not important... i am settling, it's kind of strange. like i mixed the cement last summer, poured it last fall and now it is hardening. it's almost frightening to think about, the permanence of life. i have a job, i am secure (for the most part), i pay for rent, food, etc. i am becoming an adult. when i was a little girl i never would have pictured the person i am today, i thought i would be more "grown up" whatever that may mean...
i bought a plane ticket to go home for the long july 4th weekend and i am so excited to see california, but i know that i will be ok with coming back. i think my plans to go to ca were pushed back because i knew that if i went, i would want to stay. but i don't think i feel that way now and that means a lot because the past six months have been the craziest six months of my life. the funny thing is, i don't think the crazy will ever stop. it's almost as if craziness grows as inflation does, you know? cost of living goes up, minimum wage goes up, craziness goes up :)
do you ever have the want to control some aspect of your life, but you tell yourself you don't want to control it because in the end you know that God will take care of you? but yet, there is some part of you that can't let go... perhaps it's the teen in me who believed in nothing and was backstabbed by many who still hesitates to trust, or maybe it's the internal skeptic we all have; but after living the past six months i am more convinced than anyone that there is a God...