twenty-two

today i turn twenty-two. i know it's not old, but i guess as the number increases it is as if we sit ourselves down and ponder, what have i done with the past year? was it a good year? did i do all that i could have done? of course the answer to that last question is always no. will it change for the year ahead? probably not, but it is a thought.
i have a job interview on thursday and i don't have a good feeling about it. but i feel that if offered the job there may be some external pressure to take it. so i am stressing about "what ifs" (this is something i do often).
i am also realizing more and more each day at how much i don't rely on God and it is frustrating to me. and i see myself falling, but refuse to do anything to help myself... i came here because i felt it was my "calling" but when i get here i stray away, it makes no sense. i guess it is the uncertainty of it all, and i know that when you go to follow God, evil will work harder to stop you.
i went to go see the lion, the witch and the wardrobe this weekend and it has me thinking a lot about "good versus evil" and the whole idea that we are "called" to do something. i probably have mentioned this in a previous post, but my favorite verse is when paul writes, "as a prisoner for the Lord, then, i urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace" (ephesians 4:1-3).

too much thinking for one morning... off to work i go :)