¿estoy esperando qué?

well, i hope that title is in correct form... my spanish has gotten so bad since i haven't spoken much in over a year :(
anyways for you non spanish speakers, ¿estoy esperando qué? means essentially, i am waiting for what?
not sure how this subject just popped in my head, my mind is supposed to be relaxed after doing a half hour of yoga, but it's been on my mind lately i guess. and in no specific area in my life, but i feel like a lot of people have the "i will do it tomorrow" attitude when there is no promise of tomorrow... as cities burn has a song that quotes, "but what good is the whole world
when i promise no tomorrow." that is a good question they have brought.
however this carpe diem attitude doesn't come as something i can order at amazon.com or even bid for on ebay, so where does this motivation come from. i had a high school teacher say that there always comes a point where the decision is made. you could be sleeping and hitting snooze, but there is that ONE point where you throw the covers on the other side of the bed and you command your body to get up and start the day... that decision was made to do something. but what if you do something and are left hanging? what if you feel the consequences, whether good or bad, never will come? well, i guess that's where my impatience comes to play. i feel that things never happen according to my watch, but really if things did happen the way i wanted it, then i may be worse off. this all leads to a problem that i have. that of trust. for most of my life i've always been the one who wants to be in control of my life. for example, i had a friend in college who refused to put an antivirus program on his computer. i asked, why? he said that he knew of every thing that came on to his computer and felt he had no need for this added assistance. which is understandable, he is very knowledgable with computers but still, what if something were to just sneak in? that to me was how i was with my life. then of course i found God and well, i added the antivirus program into my life and am here now. sometimes i don't do my recommended antivirus scan and feel that i am 'in control' of things when in all reality i should rely on outside help to guide me along a path that i may not be able to navigate myself. i am stubborn and rarely ask for help, i never delegate and have a hard time trusting. anyways, i guess this brings me back to my initial question. what am i waiting for?