to: God@heaven.com

dear God,

hey. it's me nicole. i hope You're doing great up in heaven and all around. there is something that has been weighing down my heart and mind lately, God... i don't know how to approach this cause it's super hard for me to explain it to anyone, but i will try. i am tired of this thing called "religion," it makes me feel like i don't belong anywhere, especially in Your kingdom. i know what You're thinking, nicole... how many times must we talk about it? well i figure if You can forgive someone "seventy-seven times" then You can probably discuss the inner battle of choosing a religion a few times as well. also, You're probably the best person to discuss it with anyways, since churches are supposed to bring us closer to You. that's the thing though, they are supposed to bring us closer to You, but i don't feel that most of the time. i let these organizations get in the way of their said purpose which is to worship You. i feel like i get more out of worship when i am alone in my car driving through with beautiful scenery or like on those days, when i was at pepperdine, on days after it rained where the ocean was a blue that is indescribable along with crisp clean air; or even just when i sit at home and read my bible. there is no discomfort, no wondering if i am going to forget the words, no thinking of whether i should stand or sit, none of this... it's just me and You and Your Son. i understand that i need this building to help keep me accountable and feed me each week. i like to look at it as showers... like, we can do what we can to keep ourselves clean and everything, you know, with febreeze and face wipes, etc. but in the end we do need to take showers, just like in the end we do need to go to church if we ever really want to get that extra shine. cause i really do feel that surrounding myself with other people who want to be clean is a good thing, don't You? but then there are those deceitful salesmen who say that you can be clean without the shower and try to sell it to you in like a pill form or some sort of spray, but i think after it all we all just still need a simple shower. i don't know if that makes any sense to You but it's how i like to think of it :)
to try to conclude this letter, God, i just want to say that i apologize for letting this horrible debate take time away from me living my life for You. i shouldn't spend time dwelling on which church to call home, i think it's satan trying to consume my thoughts and i really am sorry for it. so i guess, i am just asking for clarity and patience for things to come. i know one day i will be lead to where i am supposed to be. thanks so much for your time, patience and understanding when it comes to a simple human such as myself.

love always, nicole