Friday, January 14, 2005

confused

so i just got done reading my daily news stories off of bbc news (i feel the us news can be a little biased so i try to get an international perspective) and i just read this story about several people who live in rural villages in bolivia and how half of families are immigrating to spain to work and sending money home... and it just killed me that families had to split up to earn money for their child's education or just to live. that shouldn't have to happen.
after reading this article i thought to myself about how there are several articles daily about horrible things that happen to people; i learn in class about all the wars and how people are so selfish... then comes my daily question of why is this my course of study? i am an international political science major so these atrocities are what i study. i remember exactly why i choose this major, it was to make change and just educate people that so much more goes on that what is on the nightly news and that we can help. but as time goes on i feel like my help is useless when there are millions, perhaps billions, who need help. then i deal with the fact that i have everyday stresses... WHY? i live very comfortably...
yes, i am stressed about what i will be doing may 1st but what i am most scared for is if that "job" will be something that i can fully put my heart into. i've always dreamt of having that perfect career where opportunities came to me, and i know they won't but i am scared that i am going to get trapped by money and comfort that i will never truly pursue my dreams.
i could have easily been a business major (though i hate econ) or a communications major or anything else but i choose to be this, whether or not that was a good decision, it's too late... but it's just sad to me that we all can't follow political ideal and not be soo selfish and realize that if i can live comfortably then a peasant farmer in bolivia should also have the same opportunities.