when life becomes cliche

looking out my window into the sky upon some unfamiliar land i saw a strange aircraft drop this red object and it hit the ground and created a mushroom cloud only identifiable with that of a nuclear bomb. i freaked out, for i knew that if the bomb didn't kill me immediately i would have but a couple days to live because of the radiation... i ran about frantically not knowing how i wanted to spend the last days of my life.

this was the dream i had last night... more like a nightmare. i woke up not knowing where i was at and if what i had just envisioned was real or not. i can tell you one thing, i was freaked out. would i do the same thing if given but a couple days to live?
do you ever feel like life has become nothing but a cliche? i have recently read through the ecclesiastes and solomon talked about how everything is just meaningless. i don't know if i would ever want to be as wise as how God made solomon, i feel like it would be a curse just as much as it is a blessing. truthfully in the end, it's not going to matter where i went to college, what i look like, what i own or anything. Jesus isn't going to talk to me about the car i had or my family, but how i brought people to Him and how i treated my brothers and sisters. so what am i in pursuit of? is it all in vain? if given three days to live would i really go around and minister? or would i want to go to a foreign land or see people who i love? would i indulge myself or would i serve?
there is a quote, by james dean, i believe that says, "dream as you'll live forever. live as you'll die today." nice thought. we take these cliches and quotes and post them on bookmarks, on posters, all over our lives to remind us of what? it's not like i am paying attention.
i have a quote on a tile on my window that says "unsatisfied desire is in itself more desireable than any other satisfaction" by cs lewis. i think we live insatiably partially because of the fall, we will always have some sort of void we need to fill, but also because as nelson mandela says, "our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
what in my life has meaning? what am i doing that isn't self-indulgent or selfish? i'd like to think that i am doing a handful of things, but am i really?
i don't mean t be negtive, rather self-reflective. i am content with where i am at, i am moving at my own pace and learning that i cannot change the world in a day but i also am questioning the direction i am heading. i am at a large fork in the road right now and in the future would hope that both roads will be connected someday but it is somewhat unlikely. i am growing up and becoming responsible for things and its frightening because i have to take fault for the mistakes that i make.