the never ending question

why do bad things happen to good people?

proverbs[4:23]

so it's been a while since i have posted but i felt inclined to comment on one of my most recent paintings.  i actually painted this a couple months ago but now feel like i want to talk about it.  i took a picture and posted it above.  there is no title but my motivation for it was the idea that we all build walls around our hearts.  God tells us to guard our hearts but i think there is a fine line between guarding and completely confining.  i feel like the past couple years all i have done is build this wall around my heart and my life and now i am having to go in and pull down those walls and just start over again.  i have messed up and am finding myself regretting more and more things as days go by especially when it comes to my friendships.  i don't know what is making me feel like this, i have amazing friends, every single one of them are blessings in my life.  but i think a lot of it boils down to that i just signed a new lease at a new apt here in nashville and that means that i am now at 2 years of living out here....  TWO WHOLE YEARS, holy cow.  anyways, i was forced to look at the past two years and look at myself now and granted, i have a fantastic job and that's what i came here for, but what about everything else?  i am no where near as established (socially) as i had imagined i would be, a lot of it is my fault...  i won't go into detail on all that but i think God is really shining a mirror on me to show myself what i really look like, inside and out.  He is totally helping me restart a lot of things and well, i really do hope and pray that i do not barricade my heart as i have in the past.  

i keep this painting right above my bed, i look at it before i sleep and i see it when i wake up; to me it's telling me that the walls can become greater and the painting turn black or the opposite, i can gradually tear down the walls that currently exist.