tick-tock

the last couple days i really feel like God has shown me a lot about timing.

yesterday i was watching one of my favorite movies "never been kissed" and the movie is a great sign of God not being able to give us more than we can handle. here you have a girl who is nerdy and didn't have the best reputation given a second chance to go to high school again. and i can only imagine what it would be like to be so vulnerable as to put yourself out there for all the world to either see you being rejected or accepted by the object of your affection. but when that zero second mark hits and she drops the microphone you really think that she has hit what i would consider 'the breaking point' but little did she know that her love was following close behind the ending of the countdown and she would soon get her first kiss. i really felt like this is how we live our lives, we get to the point of desperation or whatever to where we really do feel like we can't do it anymore (i.e. relationships, careers, etc.) but God won't let us fall, He won't let us go beyond what our true 'breaking point' would be. my perception of how much i can handle or not handle is very different than that of our creator...

my second lesson in timing came from one of my favorites, extreme makeover: home edition. i know i have referenced the show a couple times before (see "move that bus") but, to me, it is a great example of how grace works. the lesson i began to grasp while watching "never been kissed" was reiterated while watching the show tonight. this family had been out of a house for like 17 months and the 6 of them had been sharing like a 2 bedroom apartment and they had nothing (they lost it all in a flood), but right before they would have lost the apartment and the land that once was the foundation to their home they were blessed with a house. i'm sure 2, 5, 10 months into it they didn't think they could go on much further and right before it could have gotten way worse they were given the ability to start over and take a u-turn away from going over the edge.

over the past several weeks i have been really struggling with giving a couple things over to God and though i know, without a doubt, that He can and will take care of them. instead i dwell and stress over them, thinking that maybe the course of action will change or whatnot. but i think as i pray out for things to happen, He is stopping me and teaching me patience as well as an understanding that His timing just may be in my best interest (of course it is, but I am still stubborn at times :)).

who knows, maybe God is teaching me patience and helping me grow so that when something is put in front of me i won't run from it... (see "what am i running from")

well, i can guarantee that i will still pray for things i probably don't deserve or aren't in my best interest and i can also guarantee that i won't always be so patient; but i guess that's all in the process of learning and growing...

what am i running from?

i have had two very clear and strange dreams (one of which was last night) that have told me that i am running from something...

i just have no idea what it could be?

so this is the new year...

every year we start out with fireworks, some champagne, maybe even a kiss (if you're lucky) at the stroke of midnight on january first. then we wake up after a late night and wonder how can this year be a GREAT year? resolutions are created with new hopes and dreams of a wonderful year of change (maybe even a couple pounds lost ;)).
today at church the message was based around matthew 6:33 which reads
"but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
and basically the challenge for the new year wasn't to lose weight, save money or go skydiving but to change our priorities around and put the important things first (seek first His kingdom & righteousness) and then all of life will trickle in just fine.
i, myself, am a big worrier and felt challenged today to just let it go and give it all away. this is a difficult challenge for me, i stress and worry even when there is nothing to stress and worry about!
i left today in a state of confusion. i have been re-evaluating my life a lot lately, just wondering if i got off track for what was intended for my life.
so as i begin 2008 i hope that my confusion will subside and everything will be clear and i really think a great way to achieve that is live a life according to matthew 6:33

thoughts from 30,000 feet in the sky

i flew back from my christmas in seattle a couple days ago and well, flying is just such a weird thing. first of all, i have no idea how a several ton metal tube is able to defy gravity, but then again, some things i just don't think i was meant to understand.

but my thoughts really were with the people. i sat between two nice people and had some small talk, like most other flights. i find it amazing that we are able to allow people to learn about us and us about them, we talk about families, vacations, etc with these strangers, that most of the time we never learn the names of... but then i thought a little more and we do the same thing with people that we call friends. recently i've been forced to look at past relationships and asked what happened to some of them?

we have friends that we have shared important parts of our lives with and that we no longer talk to anymore, isn't it strange how that happens? are we running such an important race in life that we leave people behind or is it just the whole process of pruning? not everyone can be a best friend, right?

anyways, i guess there comes a point where we get off the plane and proceed to the next flight or exit the airport and that is just a part of life...