how it can be...
there are a couple things i just can't let go of....
one thing in particular on this day, it's been on my heart recently.
one day, eventually, i hope to find the answer to my question...
spectators always have it easy...
isn't it always amazing to see someone go after their dream and strive to follow their calling? it's always fun to watch but when you are that person it's not so easy. the cliche "easier said than done" pops into mind.
i love watching people develop into who they want to be, it's amazing. there is something so heart warming seeing people who are happy doing what they feel is the best thing in the world. for example, last night i went to see the rocket summer. this man (the rocket summer), in his early twenties has the energy of a college freshman who's ready to take over the world. we all know that musicians make little to no money, especially those who are independent artists playing for crowds of 750-1000 a night. but when one stands on that stage and exude rays of happiness and gratitude you can't help but catch some of that sunshine and feel a little warm inside.
as for me, i feel like there is some sort of gravitational pull for me to go to nashville. i have absolutely NO IDEA why, but i feel like this is my calling for the moment. i really do whole-heartedly feel that God wants me to do this. but as i mentioned earlier, it's always easier to be a viewer and not always so easy to be what is being viewed.
everyone is so excited for me and everything, but i am scared. i don't know where i am going with this. i had a direction when i began but i feel as if i am just rambling.
well. it's almost monday, which means i have 5 days until my life gets really crazy...
realizing the blessing that is friendship
in an effort to close the chapter of my time in california and to prepare me for the new chapter of nashville i took a trip to los angeles to bid farewell to those whom i love, my friends. i left victorville on oct 31st to go to pepperdine. there, i met up with my friend trent, we went to dinner and let me say that eating in the caf after graduating is strange for two reasons 1) they started playing music in there and 2) i knew absolutely NO ONE there... shortly after i met up with paula, who i would be staying with for the next few days and enjoyed malibu yo one last time.
the next day was amazing. i got up and went to coffee with an old advisor then met a friend in westlake for lunch and some talk time at barnes and noble. that evening, i went to happy hour with lera and afterwards i went and crashed a concert committee meeting (which i was a part of religiously for three years) and it was amazing to see everyone there and catch up.
wednesday was a little more relaxed but started out by going to breakfast with my last roommate, paula :) afterwards i spent most of the day with the roommate prior to paula, meredith. it was like ex-roommate day! hehehe. the rest of the day i spent relaxing with a few more people :) that night, paula and i watched the saddle creek video. i will probably do a post later on just the dvd, but it was so inspiring :)
thursday was my last full day at pepperdine, and was probably my favorite. i did nothing really all morning, but decided at like 11:30am to go get one last breakfast burrito at lily's and take a drive north on pch. after driving for a while i lost track of time and practically ended up in oxnard! i turned around and drove a little bit until i got to a cove where i parked and got out my breakfast and sat and ate. while doing this, dolphins popped out of the water! i was amazed. there was almost no one for miles and i just randomly picked this spot to stop, it was such a blessing to watch! after staring at the water, i decided to drive south a little to the beach where i spent the most time, westward. i walked up and down the coast a little, got a tiny bit wet by the water (which was very cold) but just stared in awe at this gigantic body of water. after saying goodbye to the beach i drove back to pepperdine to visit my old career services advisor and see some friends. i got to spend some time with misty, who i rarely talked to during my senior year, but regardless it was awesome to spend some time with her. then caitlin and i drove to santa monica to spend some time with paula at swingers for dinner :) on the drive back we got diverted into pacific palisades because of a fire on pch! but ended up making it back to pepperdine only to get back in the car to visit david! we spent some time there talking but had to get back as we both were exhausted.
friday came and i had to say goodbye. to some friends, and to the school where i spent the past four years and practically gave my life to... it's good for me to get away from that place, so i don't try to take the opportunity to apply for a job ;)
anyways, friday i went to visit hopeless, where i interned my senior year. i miss that place a ton! it's always great to go and visit them and catch up on what's going on. we went to lunch and kaddisfly came in but i had to leave as i was already late for my next meeting... i drove off to see my former boss, nicole! she recently had a baby so i wanted to see her too :) nicole is basically the reason i am moving to nashville, she put me in contact with someone who helped me a ton to make a peaceful decision as to move. moving on, her baby is adorable and it was just wonderful to spend sometime to talk to her :)
that night i went over to my friend who i interned with at hopeless, kendra's house. we went to see the horrorpops at hob, which was fun. :) on saturday we did some of my "last requests" for california. went to in-n-out and amoeba! we also saw the weatherman, which was horribly depressing only to counter it with some wonderful daquiri type drinks and love actually. sunday we got up and went to breakfast and sadly had to bring an end to my tour of los angeles...
if anyone reads this blog, the above mentioned people probably mean nothing to you, and that is fine. i have no idea why i felt like documenting my entire week but looking back i can't help but smile. i understand that i may not see some of these people ever again, but i am thankful that they have all been so supportive of me and just there over the years. i wish i could write a letter to everyone and tell them just how much they are appreciated, but i feel like i would be writing forever, because there are so many people. when driving home from my week of adventure i was just blown away at how amazing my friends truly are. i pray that i can find people half as cool in nashville.
and as i proceed to close this chapter in my life and look forward to a new one i will always have this week of great memories and great friendship with me :)
p.s. just a note: i didn't give my week the true justice it deserved... there was much more involved but i just thought i would hit the basics to not bore anyone or cause my fingers to fall off :)
in response to my previous post...
so when i wrote that i was pissed off at the world, and well i would like to argue against my pessimist alterego.
a couple nights ago i watched "love actually" which as described by my friend would change my life. though it was not life-altering, the opening sequence made me think of my previous post. and thanks to the internet movie database (http://www.imdb.com) i can quote it :)
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
so looking at this quote, the state of the world will always be full of turmoil, but i guess it could always be worse (i pray to God that it doesn't become worse) but i can't let it consume my life. i can do as much as i can do to effect the world :)
it's all in how you look at the glass, half empty or half full...
