a reaction...

imagine a mixed race couple having to hide their love for each other because it wasn't socially acceptable; or perhaps a rich woman and a destitute man having to live a life that is unhappy because society won't accept them together... unfair right? would it still be unfair if a gay couple had to hide their feelings because the world wasn't ready for them to be together?
well today i saw "brokeback mountain" and i know what your immediate reaction is going to be, and that is fine, but this is my reaction to the movie. i don't want to debate whether homosexuality is correct or not...
the world makes no sense to me... and it didn't take this movie to make me realize that, but it just reminded me of how i don't believe i will ever be able to understand how things work.
essentially, it was a love story that could never flourish. the modern-day romeo and juliet. but it also made me think about how much we suppress of our own individuality to conform to society (and i am don't mean sexual orientation) but just of little things, like trying to wear the trendy clothes or keeping up with the jones'. is the world turning into one pot of mush? will we one day all strive so much to be like the next person that we lose any sense of originality? professors have all had different theories on how to describe the united states. some call it a salad, others minestrone soup, or the infamous melting pot. i pray that we don't end up a melting pot, but prefer to look at the world as a salad (the ingredients stay as they are without blending in with its environment)... not sure if any of this is making sense :)
the movie was a sad portrait into the pain and heartache that people go through to do what they can to be what the world wants them to be... what is even more sad to me is that it still goes on today, in a world that is in pursuit of peace and love there is still so much sadness.
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speaking of sadness, i feel that as i grow older i am retiring my optimist hat and becoming an extreme pessimist/worse case scenario person. i do not like the direction i am heading in. i used to be all happy faces and flowers, but now i feel all i think about is the worse case scenario! a priest a few months back told me that i need to start looking towards the positive and what God brings me each day. but i somehow am able to turn the positive into negative. like if i am blessed with a gift i am filled with sadness for those who are starving in other parts of the world and how i am undeserving of such blessings, you know?