in possession of the key to my prison door

i am bound and shackeled in a dark scary enclosed place, the walls are solid and the light is limited. my mind is consumed with thoughts about getting out and what i would do once i achieve this...
in my hands i have the key that opens my prison door and yet refuse to do so.
as i progress through the book of numbers and read about the israelites and how they viewed life back in egypt, as slaves, better than moving through the desert under the guidance of God i can't help but realize that i too view life as a slave in egypt as being better (not literally, but you know what i mean...) i am scared of change, i am scared of things that are different, i am scared of letting people get to close and i am horrified of actually being happy.
i say this because i am a slave to many things. i am enslaved by money and controlled by society. i have been so stressed over STUPID things lately that i have become a slave to them, to my thoughts. i stress over the petty as opposed to being grateful for the amazing things in life. i packed my bags and moved to tennessee because i felt called by God, but now that i am here i question whether i should have moved in the first place and think, sometimes, that life would be better if i were back (in egypt) or california enslaved by the sadness that consumed me there.
i don't know why i am comparing my life to the israelites, there are many differences but i am slowly realizing how much of a prisioner i am and also realizing how i can control my own freedom just by releasing the petty things that consume me.