returning to childhood

this evening upon my arrival at home the grass was covered in fireflies. this is no abnormal occurance out here in the south, but for someone who grew up in california it was spectacular.
i was walking the dog outside and just staring at the lights flashing around me, i honestly felt like i was 5, simply amazed by the excitement a simple bug can bring.

strangers are family you have yet to come to know

the five people you meet in heaven is an amazing book and i just finished watching the movie... more like i just finished a two-hour cry fest :)
the past couple days i've been, it's hard to explain. do you ever feel like you are living in cruise control and well about to fall asleep at the wheel? i am not sure if that is the exact way i want to describe my state of mind. but life for me has always been about making it to the next step, you know? stepping out of my comfort box and accomplishing things...
but recently i have found myself.. well i wouldn't describe it as going away from God, rather just not seeking Him... it's like a kid who moves away from home and begins to call their parents less and less.
i feel like i blink my eyes and the next thing i know i haven't prayed in a couple days... i have gotten much more lazier on my bible reading plan and just feel like i have a void in my heart that is growing and i have no idea why?
i am in a very vulerable state after watching that movie...
it really makes me look back at my life and i know i have no idea who i've affected and that is fine... to be completely honest, the movie makes me want to fall in love.
this is a topic i never touch upon because i guard my heart like secret service protects the president. but it really does. this man's life was simple and he loved his wife and she loved him back. i know it's not up to me who i end up with or if it even happens and i understand that and i figure if God's planning it it will be a whole lot better than if i were to try. but you could just tell in the movie, they used color a lot to describe it. when they were together it was bright and vibrant and just made me feel like i was there.
i sound cheesy and am beginning to go disney on you all but i guess i am realizing more and more after moving out here how lonely being lonely can get. don't get me wrong i have loved learning about me and really being able to focus on my relationship with God but i guess the little girl in all of us wishes for prince charming to come :)

a wallflower on the dance floor

"Psalm 1 tells us that God simply does not care to satisfy the intellectual curiosity of coolly aloof inquirers: his passion is for dragging ugly wallflowers onto the dance floor. When we come to him looking merely for a respectable philosophical system, he not so subtly reshapes the question: 'So it's truth you think you want? Come sing in my choir, then we'll talk.' In other words, learn to praise. Understanding will follow."


Thanks to CHYM for the post..

(She Thanks, Reggie Kidd.)

move that bus!

last night while watching an episode of "extreme makeover: home edition" i couldn't help but understand God a little more.
no, ty pennington isn't God, rather his generosity among the countless others in the show helped me see how God's grace works.
the past couple weeks i've battled with the concept that i am no where near worthy of all the blessings i have received, there were times where i was impatient with God and unhappy with where i was. but i am still loved and flourished with blessings, why?
well there are these people, yesterday it was the rodriguez family, that have had difficult times and are asking for a little help. none of these families write in asking for a gigantic house, tuition for their kids and the rest of the mortgage paid, rather just a way to catch up after having some sort of obstacle put in their way.. last night it was that he lost a leg in the war. but this man wasn't angry at the world, all he wanted were bigger hallways and no stairs. but the builders and designers go above and beyond their requests. they give and give and give. he got a new leg, a whole gym, a dance floor in the back yard... this is how God works.
we as humans are given so much, God goes above and beyond when he constructs our house, He gives us the spa tub in the bathroom, a big kitchen to cook, a car in the driveway and regardless of what we say and how grateful we really are (or sometimes aren't) we still are lavished with love to the point where at times, words can't describe...
so last night while watching this remarkable family accept these gifts humbly, the father kept emphasizing that this will just start a ripple and that so many people will be effected with what they were given.
it all reminds me of pepperdine's motto (yes, i am quoting it...) "freely you have received, freely give" (matthew 10:8)
God's grace is beyond comprehensible, but there are little things in the world that help me bring it to my level of understanding...

thoughts on perspective

isn't it funny how when put into perspective anything could seem like it is the most important thing in the world? how we take things that are just so small and blow them up like a balloon. a lot has been brewing in my mind lately just about life. i am about to turn 22.5 (i give myself the right to celebrate half birthdays because my birthday is 5 days before christmas so it gets overlooked often...) but that is not important... i am settling, it's kind of strange. like i mixed the cement last summer, poured it last fall and now it is hardening. it's almost frightening to think about, the permanence of life. i have a job, i am secure (for the most part), i pay for rent, food, etc. i am becoming an adult. when i was a little girl i never would have pictured the person i am today, i thought i would be more "grown up" whatever that may mean...
i bought a plane ticket to go home for the long july 4th weekend and i am so excited to see california, but i know that i will be ok with coming back. i think my plans to go to ca were pushed back because i knew that if i went, i would want to stay. but i don't think i feel that way now and that means a lot because the past six months have been the craziest six months of my life. the funny thing is, i don't think the crazy will ever stop. it's almost as if craziness grows as inflation does, you know? cost of living goes up, minimum wage goes up, craziness goes up :)
do you ever have the want to control some aspect of your life, but you tell yourself you don't want to control it because in the end you know that God will take care of you? but yet, there is some part of you that can't let go... perhaps it's the teen in me who believed in nothing and was backstabbed by many who still hesitates to trust, or maybe it's the internal skeptic we all have; but after living the past six months i am more convinced than anyone that there is a God...

life on demand

i posted this on my myspace blog and thought i should here too :)

i just saw a commercial that allows someone to subscribe and get any movie they want to see (kind of like netflix) but instead of mailing a physcial dvd, it immediately downloads onto your computer and the guy says that (with a fast connection) you can see this movie in 30 seconds.
how much faster do we expect life to revolve around us? we live in an "on demand" world.
people demand instant gratification from everything and if something doesn't go right then they become upset. i realized this a lot working at jcpenney, people are impatient and demanding. we are victims of modern technology.
it truly is a double-edged sword, don't you think? technology is amazing but i believe has made us more impatient as humans. we don't read anymore, we listen to books on tape; we don't even have to go out and buy the book on tape anymore, we can just download it. as life gets faster will we ever leave the house? will we one day lose all interaction with our peers?
i saw the new disney movie "cars" this morning and it has a good message in regards to slowing life down and i can't help but think that the faster i try to live my life, the more demanding i become so in the end i can achieve more with a lesser amount of time.