the state of the world

we all have our theories. some preach apocalypse, others preach karma... but honestly, if the world is heading in this direction, i don't want to see where it ends up in 20 years.

and i am not blaming things on natural disasters, the biggest disaster is truly ourselves. we create the drama that consumes our lives. where to begin?

people are so full of hate and distrust that we constanly live on the defensive which doesn't leave us too open to new relationships (friendships, etc.) with people and we all turn against eachother... neighbor against neighbor leading all the way up to west versus east (not the us, but essentially civilizations). in the past week, lives have been stolen. whether it be possessions or death, one man took it into his hands to harm another and we hear about it EVERYWHERE! the news doesn't help, but i can't help but be obsessed with it. but move past the neighborhood robbery. what about injustice.

this word consumed me for years. i was born lucky. i don't suffer from famine, disease, slavery, abuse, etc. but people do and what do we do? we look the other way. how the hell can one look the other way when someone is reaching their hand out to you? don't get me wrong, i do the same too. i will NEVER forget the time i went to dc to work with the homeless. it was during a horrible snow storm and a friend and i were walking to one of the monuments... there was a homeless man screaming in agony (a scream that still vividly plays through my mind) of a man rolling around trying to get the steam coming from the metro below the street. this was in my own damn country.

i could write pages and pages on my frustration to the world. but i guess i should stop myself. i guess i am frustrated after having a discussion with a friend. she imed me we talked about hearing about the tragic accident of a band, bayside, where their drummer lost his life. (rip john holohan). but then i asked if she had heard of a couple bands whose pretty much every posession have been stolen. we then proceeded to talk about the horrible crime committed against the girlfriend of the guy from the junior varsity. these things have all happened recently in the music scene, which is a small percentage of the world. so if shit like this happens in such a small part of the world, shit is happening in the rest of it and it breaks my heart.

and people ask why i don't want to bring children into this world...

my leap of faith...

so is this when "real life" begins? i doubt that, i feel like i will forever feel like i can just push away the "real world" for a few years more :)
however, i am taking a huge step in my life and well i am going to explain it fully and in depth here and refer all future questions to this very blog.
today i quit my job, well i actually gave my notice a month ago but today was my last day, there really is no turning back now. in 3 weeks i will be leaving victorville heading down the i-15 north and then getting on the i-40 east and taking it straight to my new destination, nashville. why nashville you ask? well this is where i begin my story of me essentially climbing up a tree, standing on a platform and looking at my future...

way back when (like high school) i had little belief. i knew i was going to college, i knew i would graduate, potentially get a job, get married, etc.... but i didn't know why? yes, what 17 year old ponders the meaning of life, you'd be surprised how many actually do. i was at a cross roads, a few months away from entering pepperdine but didn't know where i was headed. during my senior year (while obessed with boy bands) i began to listen to a christian boy band which essentially gave me some sort of reason to listen to the christian radio station in victorville (which was commercial free, so that was another plus) but something happened and i stopped listening to the music and began listening to the words and yes, i began to believe in God.
i then proceeded to go to pepperdine, and my love for Him flourished and of course had its trying times where i lost almost all hope. but in the end i knew i had something constant in my life, you know? anyways, what does all this have to do with my move to nashville?
well, i am now going to bring you up to the present... i have since graduated from pepperdine but something happened while there. one of my old roommates took me to a video shoot for the beautiful mistake during my junior year and it's like a dying fire was reignited and i fell in love with music once again. but it almost became an obsession, at the same time, i was studying for a degree in international politics where i became almost obesessed with advocacy. one day i was browsing on the internet and saw a company that did both...
i then emailed and did everything i could to try to intern for them, and i did. from august to april of my senior year of college i interned for hopeless & sub city records where i learned that my two passions could collaborate! sadly, i had to leave them...
after i graduated from school, i was depressed, i will admit it now but wouldn't then. how could someone who loved God be depressed? it made me more depressed to think of that because i felt selfish. then things like the hurricanes and earthquakes and just horrendous events all over the world were occuring, but yet i would cry almost every day because i felt like i had no purpose anymore. i became sick and so stressed that it could not have been healthy. i was working at a law firm, that well was a negative environment for me to be in and that didn't help. the only thing truly keeping me sane (other than my awesome family) has been church. i've been working with the life teen (the high school kids) and it has been an amazing experience to not only see these kids and their love for God but also the people i work with and their passion to minister. it's been great.
so one day, while browsing the internet i thought, why not try to do something with christian music? i love music, but wanted my love for music to be turned into something that can effect people. so after hours of just looking around on the internet, the seed was planted. the christian music industry is centralized in nashville! why on earth would i move to nashville? i always joked around with people and was like yea, i want to move to tennessee. i never took it serious until a friend told me of someone who graduated from pepperdine who did what i only dreamt of doing but only a few years back. so i randomly emailed her and well, she has helped me a ton and even helped me get into the place i am renting... i began to finally realize that maybe this is my calling...
at the same time my boss decided to start his own practice so it created a break for me to exit without causing too much damage...

so here i am today, unemployed once again. a little amount saved up and a dream to move out to the south. i have never been to this city before, i know no one really and have no job offers. all i have is me and i know that won't suffice, so i know the next few months my faith will once again be tested, but whenever tested it comes out stronger.
and as i alluded to in the beginning of this post, i always like to refer back to a leadership weekend with sga at boojum where we embarked on a horrifying ropes course. one obstacle was to climb up like 50 feet in the air stand on a platform and jump off to try to reach a trapeeze just beyond my reach.
so here i am, standing on the platform, horrified to death but i know that i have to jump... whether or not i am able to grab hold of the swing, who knows, but i know i won't come to a crashing fall to hit the ground :)

so i am beginning my journey and hope to document it here, so be sure to check back :)

my new destination

never would i have ever thought i would be packing up my car, taking the 15 to the 40 and driving through flagstaff, alberquerque, amarillo, oklahoma city, little rock, memphis and then finally reaching my destination of nashville, tn. and renting a room in a house with 4 girls i had never met before in franklin, tn.

life is crazy, and i guess i am trying to embrace the unexpected and follow where i feel my heart is telling me to go...

i like to look at it this way... a couple years back while in student gov, we went to a place with a ropes course (boojum!) and i had to face one of my biggest fears... heights! there were 3 other people in my small group and they all had gone and done beautifully... it was now my turn. i put on my harness and climbed up like a 50 foot pole and stood on top of this platform amongst the trees looking out at this trapeeze sort of thing and this was my goal. it was far enough to where i couldn't reach out and get it but close enough for me to catch if i decided to jump...

well i am there again, on that platform, looking out to where i need to be.. people are encouraging me from below but i am scared... why? i have a harness on, what is the worst that can happen?

so i am making that jump into a city i have never been to, nor do i know anyone. but i have signed a lease and have quit my job here, so i guess there is no turning back once you start running to make the jump...

nov 19th i am jumping. and regardless of if i catch the bar or not, i know i will be fine :)